I Fired Four More Shots

home    message    submit    archive    theme

Dear Luca Sulic, Stephan Hauser, and Steven Sharp Nelson,

Please, take your videos down off of youtube. Put an end to the posting and reblogging massacre on facebook and tumblr. And don’t play on tv, especially, Glee.

All the professional cellists of the world who feel that you are cheapening their art with production gimmicks that propagate the myth in the mainstream that cello playing is all about looking good instead of sounding good.


i’m going to listen to starker shred some kodaly.



those left had pizzicato notes played with the thumb, that’s the hungarian dragon knocking at your door saying “here I come”.

Name: Daniil Shafran
Country: Soviet Russia
Crimes Against Cellistic Humanity:
"Artistically" placed white notes paired with death-like vibrato that doesn’t serve the music. While useful in some russian literature, it sounds like hell everywhere else. It demonstrates a complete disregard of common sense.
Proof: Saint-saens “The Swan”, obliterated by his hell-fire vibrato, slides, and piercing tone.

Name: Alisa Weilerstein
Country: United States of America
Crimes Against Cellistic Humanity: 
Oblivious nature and overcharge inward passion results in seizure-like phrases. Lack of technique and reliance on overplaying decapitates Bach suites.
Proof: J. S. Bach, C Major Suite BWV 1009, beaten like a dead horse.

Name: Christopher Lecian
Country: Czech Republic
Crimes Against Cellistic Humanity:
His facial expressions. His lack of tone, lack of intonation, lack of anything pleasant, beautiful, or good in his sound, even though he is marketed as a virtuoso. 
Proof: Shitting all over Paganini and Bach. Paganini, is this even music? Bach, its like a 7 year old’s playing combined with the farts of obese alcoholic.